As a woman who had a very tough relationship with her mother, I was so nervous about having a girl. While I was pregnant, I was full of mixed emotions. Before knowing whether our second baby would be a boy or a girl, I would literally cry and cringe at the thought of having a girl. I wholeheartedly did NOT want a girl!
The day I was in the ultrasound room, with Danny and Lito right next to me, and the moment the nurse said, "It's a girl!", I was filled with unexplainable sheer happiness and tears of joy! It was really an unexpected reaction! For the rest of my pregnancy there were days when I would fall in love with the idea of having a girl! But I still had my days when I would worry about whether I would end up with a bad relationship with my daughter. I would wonder how I could keep that from happening and I would think back on why things went so wrong between my mother and I years ago. We're good now, but we do have our differences. My mother also has a worse relationship with my sister and I used to worry that this could happen for me and my daughter.
Then, the day that she was born, when she first opened her eyes, she locked in on mine! She was born 9 pounds 3 ounces and literally looked like a 3 month old at birth! Immediately we saw her one dimple and her almost asian eyes. She was down right beautiful! At that moment, all of my worries melted and all I saw was the great connection that she and I had already!
During her first year of life, it has been an amazing journey. The amount of love I feel for her really overshadows any fear about what our relationship will go through for as long as she and I are blessed to have each other. She has actually turned me into a better woman, as cheesy as that sounds. Yes, my son changed me as well, but there is a different kind of change when you know the eyes of another female are on you! She helps me to make better decisions about what it means to be a woman of value, integrity and of faith. She also helps me to hold myself to a higher standard! She makes me want to celebrate being a woman and she brings out an inner confidence in me that I haven't ever known. Solana Leila has truly changed my life already!
Today, as we were hanging out at McDonalds, she turned around to look at me and just gave me the best gummy grin! The sincerety of how she looked at me hit a special note in my heart. Her gaze said so many things to me! She trusts me, she loves me unconditionally and she already looks to me for how to react to different situations. Looking back into her eyes a year after she was born, I am still filled with such great faith that our relationship will endure any bumps we'll go through! I'm savoring every minute of the ride!! I can't wait to talk to her about boys, hair, make-up, clothes, and all of the other many things that women go through as they develop from young girls into dependable and admirable women. I hope I live up to her expectations!
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