Growing Pains

When I was a preteen, it was easy to identify growing pains. When they were physical, it was uncomfortable (I think I had what they call today "Restless Leg Syndrome"). When growing pains were emotional, it was hard to hide and I didn't quite understand what was happening. I'm sure that's normal, we all go through changes ....

As a parent, I expected my kids to experience growing pains too but I didn't realize I would still have them as well! My son is 12 years old and my daughter is 8. How did we get here? They were both just babies but somehow suddenly they are young people with opinions, feelings, observations, fears, joys, goals, accomplishments, dreams, and growing wonder about life. The last few years have been a blur! Then suddenly this year changed everything. Nothing can prepare a parent for seeing their child hurting and nothing can describe the humility of realizing parents have a small hand in creating future generations. How we react to (or ignore) our children's growing pains has an immense impact on how they will manage adult setbacks.

 

My daughter's growing pains this year have included (so far): facing changes she defiantly didn't want (moving to a new home), facing a new grade which she defiantly wanted to avoid (3rd grade is the first grade for state testing), and facing her own looming maturity (she wants to stay a baby forever but has started to release her death grip on baby-ish things, like switching from watching the Disney Junior channel to only watching regular Disney shows). Seeing her courage develop and her confidence start to emerge has been comforting and challenging all at once! 

My son's growing pains this year have included (so far): defining his beliefs (we have visited several churches and he has learned how very different they can all be), finding balance (learning the fine line between healthy and unhealthy imbalance), and fostering his passion (he has always enjoyed soccer but this year it went from a pass-time to a true passion when he asked us to move him to a competitive league). Witnessing (and encouraging him) as he finds his own voice and defines his values has been heartwarming and scary all at once! 

My own growing pains have included reassessing my values and priorities, not always by choice, while striving to be a better parent to the two most amazing children! Both kids drive me to be a better person and this year is no exception. My limits have been tested like never before but like the saying goes, change happens outside of our comfort zones. This year my job has thrown curve balls at every turn. My home routines have been flipped and reversed. My health issues have suddenly become crystal clear, to the point where I really can't ignore them, as much as I try. For years I have talked about making changes on so many aspects of my life but talk is meaningless without action. This year I hope my kids learn the value of actively working on making your better. I hope my kids continue to learn that patience, accountability, discipline, focus and integrity are integral in being successful at anything. I hope my kids take to heart that family is everything; that we can make hard choices and still find happiness in everyday peace. Making necessary changes, at the expense of my sanity sometimes, has been eerily easier than I expected but also still incredibly scary all at once! 

All of us are also experiencing growing pains with friendships ... learning who we can rely on, what makes a healthy friendship, and how to be a good friend. Amazingly, it doesn't get easier the older we get. If anything, humans become more opinionated as we age, and this year above all, we have learned to agree to disagree and to show respect as much as possible. I pray that my children grow up to be understanding of others because this world needs more listeners with big hearts. 

The most important lesson I hope my kids learn from growing pains is that even though they can be scary and hard, they are unavoidable and we don't have to go through them alone. We always have family and a handful of true friends who will be there to help push through the pain and help us grow into valued human beings that can change the world, in small doses, in small but meaningful ways, every single day ...

Bittersweet Truth

Being six years old is hard. The shroud of pure innocence starts to fade away. You question your version of reality, and you start to learn that the world isn't as sweet and kind as you might imagine. Being in school exposes kids to how other families raise their kids. This year, my sweet Solana questioned her belief of Old Saint Nick. While some parents frown on letting their children believe in a jolly white man handing down presents to 'nice' little children, I erred on the side of giving my child a sense of wonder for a special holiday. There is plenty of time in life to learn that things don't come easy and that life isn't full of fun surprises, so this is one fantasy I cherished. The kids know that we exchange gifts in honor of Jesus' birthday but as many kids do, they focus on the presents more than anything!

This year, I cringed when Solana told me that someone shared with her that there is no Santa. I wasn't prepared for the question. Yes I recognize that I'm a bit naive to think that at 6 years old she wouldn't come to this conclusion quite yet but I had hoped for one more year of playing Santa. I wanted one more year of indulging in a fun game of surprise. I wanted one more year of writing letters to Santa and leaving cookies and milk out on Christmas eve. Instead someone decided to tell her that Santa was an old white myth. Then my anxiety turned into worry when I realized I didn't know what to say to that sweet, innocent, shattered expression she held, waiting for me to tell her 'the truth'.

As I sat at the kitchen table, pondering my next parenting move, I asked her if she wanted the truth. Of course she said yes. So I told her ... Santa exists as mommy and daddy because we buy the presents. I held my breath, anticipating a dramatic crying session to ensue. Her favorite holiday was being crushed and I just knew that her heart was broken. I saw her blink and walk away. Oh no, I thought, she's going to throw herself on the sofa and cry her eyes out!

Two seconds later, she comes rushing in with her journal. "Mommy, since you're Santa, here's my list of gifts. I want to make sure you know what each present is!" For the next 30 minutes, we watched commercials on YouTube for any of the toys on her list that I wasn't familiar with, so that I could know what exactly she had in mind. We then went on to have a candid conversation about budgets and expectation setting (no, she will not get all the 12 items on her list!). These moments are parenting gold! Next week's bittersweet truth will be cleaning out current toys to give as donations and more historical parenting about how money doesn't grow on trees!