There are so many things in life that bring out different parenting styles. Halloween is one of them. Growing up I wasn't really allowed to participate in Halloween. I remember handing out candy one year, and going to the church fall festival another year, but that's about it. Aside from being born and raised in another culture, I was also blessed with a mom that was (and still is) a very devote Southern Baptist. As an adult, I have decided not to take the very strict religious views of my upbringing, and that's where I find myself torn at times. Not in my decision but in how to navigate my parenting situations at times!
I am learning that my son is growing up far too quickly for my liking! We say it all the time, "Time flies". But there are defining moments in his childhood that remind me of just how quickly time does go by, and how unprepared I can be for the twists and turns that come with growing up. My son turned 7 this month and we did the usual run to the local stores for a Halloween costume. I'll have to look back at pictures to see what characters he has been in past years. At the moment, I can say with certainty that he has always gravitated towards super heroes!
To my unsuspecting shock, he knew exactly which costume he wanted. As soon as he saw it, he was unwavering in his choice! I asked him again, "Are you sure? You don't want to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle instead?"
I looked at the ghastly thing he picked out and hesitantly put it in the shopping cart. I think I tried to talk him out of it a few times before getting to the check out counter! But to no avail. Tonight, he will make his big boy debut as a bloody Ghost Face! The costume is rigged with a fake heart, which he is supposed to hold in his sweet little hand, and when he squeezes it, red ink comes flowing from his ghost mask!
Where did my baby boy go?
The irony is that as a parent you want your kids to be happy. I never want my doubts or insecurities to rub off on him. So I went with it. And now, when I tell other parents about his decision, I get the widest array of reactions. Some parents shrug it off as a phase. Other parents look away disapprovingly. Some even flat out go into a rant about how kids are desensitized, uncaring, and selfish.
Either way, I choose to take the path that allows my child freedom to explore. I also applaud parents that actively choose to instill their own beliefs into their kids; it is everyone's right to raise their child as they see fit (with the exception of brooding hatred, abuse or neglect of course!)
So to all parents, I say, have a Happy Day! Whether you celebrate Halloween or not, celebrate the joy and blessing of shaping a young child into a positive contributor to our world! Never take a second for granted!!!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
In Her Little Shoes
It's so easy as a parent to get lost in the daily push. I get up at 5 AM, I'm on-the-go the second I hear my alarm (before I even open my eyes!), and by the evening I've given my all to work, the house and the kids. It takes every ounce of push to be patient all the way to the second they are ready for bed.
Most days I can push to that second. Most days, that is a mission accomplished. Then there are days where I fall short of that parental goal. My baby girl, Solana, has a way of reminding me how important that task is, for her development. Growing up myself, I was an only child most of my childhood. By the time my sister came along, I was old enough to have to fend for myself while my sister got all the (well-deserved) attention.
Having my own kids "close together" means that I have to program myself to think differently about parenting! There are times when I am impatient when I shouldn't be, and I recognize it right away when it happens. I have to remind myself that there are things I taught her older brother, and that she hasn't had that same luxury, of undivided attention when it comes to valuable teaching moments. I don't want to ever take that for granted!
So when they fight, I have been practicing being even more patient so that I can focus on each child separately. When they are both battling for my attention, I work extra hard to get them to take turns and give them equal attention. When I find myself defending one over the other, more often than not, I stop myself long enough to analyze how each can learn from the situation instead of demanding more of one over the other. I know it sounds silly but it takes concentrated effort to think that way, for me at least. Maybe my immaturity is coming through but there are days where I think it's just so much easier to do nothing ... to just separate them, send them their respective ways, tell them what to do (instead of actually parenting and teaching) and just (erroneously) focus back on what I was doing - house chores or working from home.
In her shoes, I worry that being a lazy parent translates to Solana thinking that I am an angry person, that I have no time for her, that I don't like her playing with her brother, etc! Luckily I have a beautiful and brilliant daughter that simply won't settle for those kinds of thoughts! She forces me to be a better person and a better example to her! My gorgeous little girl teaches me the value of positive parenting. She will literally cling to me, by whichever limb she can grab, and tell me how it is! And I love it!
"Mommy, I just want you to not be mad!"
"Mama, you didn't laugh and I was funny!"
"Mommy, I just wanted you to talk to me!"
"But mom, you didn't look at what I was showing you!"
Solana will go so far as to grab my face until I'm looking directly at her. She demands attention! Truly I love that about her! And parenting her is so rewarding too. When I dedicate the effort she deserves, she absorbs learning opportunities so well! She asks questions, she restates, she analyzes ... it's a beautiful thing to watch! Solana inspires me and that's where I draw my strength from!
Most days I can push to that second. Most days, that is a mission accomplished. Then there are days where I fall short of that parental goal. My baby girl, Solana, has a way of reminding me how important that task is, for her development. Growing up myself, I was an only child most of my childhood. By the time my sister came along, I was old enough to have to fend for myself while my sister got all the (well-deserved) attention.
Having my own kids "close together" means that I have to program myself to think differently about parenting! There are times when I am impatient when I shouldn't be, and I recognize it right away when it happens. I have to remind myself that there are things I taught her older brother, and that she hasn't had that same luxury, of undivided attention when it comes to valuable teaching moments. I don't want to ever take that for granted!
So when they fight, I have been practicing being even more patient so that I can focus on each child separately. When they are both battling for my attention, I work extra hard to get them to take turns and give them equal attention. When I find myself defending one over the other, more often than not, I stop myself long enough to analyze how each can learn from the situation instead of demanding more of one over the other. I know it sounds silly but it takes concentrated effort to think that way, for me at least. Maybe my immaturity is coming through but there are days where I think it's just so much easier to do nothing ... to just separate them, send them their respective ways, tell them what to do (instead of actually parenting and teaching) and just (erroneously) focus back on what I was doing - house chores or working from home.
In her shoes, I worry that being a lazy parent translates to Solana thinking that I am an angry person, that I have no time for her, that I don't like her playing with her brother, etc! Luckily I have a beautiful and brilliant daughter that simply won't settle for those kinds of thoughts! She forces me to be a better person and a better example to her! My gorgeous little girl teaches me the value of positive parenting. She will literally cling to me, by whichever limb she can grab, and tell me how it is! And I love it!
"Mommy, I just want you to not be mad!"
"Mama, you didn't laugh and I was funny!"
"Mommy, I just wanted you to talk to me!"
"But mom, you didn't look at what I was showing you!"
Solana will go so far as to grab my face until I'm looking directly at her. She demands attention! Truly I love that about her! And parenting her is so rewarding too. When I dedicate the effort she deserves, she absorbs learning opportunities so well! She asks questions, she restates, she analyzes ... it's a beautiful thing to watch! Solana inspires me and that's where I draw my strength from!
Seven Going on Too Fast
Lito turned 7 years old last week. And it is such a big milestone! Between last year and this year, he's becoming such an amazing person.
This year, he planned his party. He wanted to write his invitations, he wanted to pick his cake, he wanted to help decide on the food that will be served and for the first time, we suggested cash as a gift item for those that wanted to give him a present.
My intention was to help him with his math skills. He is learning the value of coins in first grade so I thought the timing was perfect. Well, I wasn't prepared for all the side effects that came with it! He wanted a wallet for his cash. My son has a wallet now! He wanted pictures to put into his new wallet ... and he even asked how he can get an identification card of some sort or credit card to put into his wallet, lol.
He wanted to buy his own toys and pay for it at the cash register. He wanted to go to the movies where they serve 'real food' and pay for his own food. He is growing up so fast! He even wanted to pay for his food at McDonald's; the cashier in the drive through looked so confused!
I looked back at his baby pictures and I can't believe how time flies. I know every parent says that, but being in the moment, it really does go by far too quickly. I am thoroughly enjoying every day, every moment, every learning opportunity (for them and for me), every smile, every kiss, every hug, every tear, every giggle, every snuggle, every single second ... they are all so precious!
This year, he planned his party. He wanted to write his invitations, he wanted to pick his cake, he wanted to help decide on the food that will be served and for the first time, we suggested cash as a gift item for those that wanted to give him a present.
My intention was to help him with his math skills. He is learning the value of coins in first grade so I thought the timing was perfect. Well, I wasn't prepared for all the side effects that came with it! He wanted a wallet for his cash. My son has a wallet now! He wanted pictures to put into his new wallet ... and he even asked how he can get an identification card of some sort or credit card to put into his wallet, lol.
He wanted to buy his own toys and pay for it at the cash register. He wanted to go to the movies where they serve 'real food' and pay for his own food. He is growing up so fast! He even wanted to pay for his food at McDonald's; the cashier in the drive through looked so confused!
I looked back at his baby pictures and I can't believe how time flies. I know every parent says that, but being in the moment, it really does go by far too quickly. I am thoroughly enjoying every day, every moment, every learning opportunity (for them and for me), every smile, every kiss, every hug, every tear, every giggle, every snuggle, every single second ... they are all so precious!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
My Confessions
I have a few confessions! Ever since the last post, I have received several comments from friends and co-workers ...
"How do you have time to write a blog?"
"That's so amazing, you're such a great mom!"
"You're hilarious! My kids aren't that funny!"
So here are my confessions:
Love You Lito and Leila!
"How do you have time to write a blog?"
"That's so amazing, you're such a great mom!"
"You're hilarious! My kids aren't that funny!"
So here are my confessions:
- I don't have time! Just like every other parent (mom or dad), I have no time for me. I wake up at 5 AM and don't go to bed till around 11 PM. So I make time. That means sometimes I don't answer my friends' phone calls; whether that is to save my friend from the irrational conversation that would consume us both (since kids love to get their parents' attention the second they pick up the phone!) or whether it is to save my kids from their angry mom who gets easily upset from not being able to have a rational, adult conversation! Sometimes I stay up past 11 PM to ensure I post my memories. Sometimes, having no time to myself also means foregoing posts so I can have intentional time with my family! I'm sure you make hard choices every day as well.
- I'm really not a great mom; I'm no different than every other working parent. I have struggles and "bad days" but I choose not to focus on that in this blog. I started this blog for one purpose. No, it wasn't to share my whimsical moments with the world (although that's been terrifying and fun too!). My sole purpose was so that I wouldn't forget the positive side of being a parent. Honestly there are days when I question my decision to be a parent! As horrible as that may sound, I recognize that it is a feeling inside of me that comes from sheer exhaustion and losing sight of what's important. So I hoped that by starting this blog, I could have a space to go to, in order to remind myself of the beauty that surrounds me, amidst the daily chaos!
- My kids are no funnier than yours! I simply have the determination to do nothing less than enjoy my time with them (and what a blessing it is). I truly cherish their innocent stroll through life and want to document it all, every second of it! But I really don't have time for all of that, lol, so I am particular about sharing the most amuzing of them here!
Love You Lito and Leila!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Turning My Favorite Number
I don't share this very openly ... I guess I worry about people thinking I'm strange! But a handful of very close friends know I have a bizarre connection to the number "three". I encounter it every single day in a weird way. So when my daughter turned 3 years old this month, in the same year that I am 33 years old, I just knew I was in for a great 2012!
So in honor of Solana turning the grandiose age of three, here's a list of 33 ways in which she has enriched my life!
1. Her smile is incredible! There's so much joy in that little grin :)
2. Her voice is infectious! When she says I love you, I melt.
3. She has the funniest habit for self-soothing - she pokes her own belly button!
4. She finally allowed me to be a part of her bedtime routine (after a 2-year hiatus!)
5. She has fun hair! I love getting to try different styles, since her texture is so different than mine!
6. Her imagination is really starting to take off! She loves to pretend with me!
7. She is soooo girly! I'm blessed that she enjoys (fake) jewelry, dresses, hair bows, etc!
8. She's my cuddle bug :) She loves to snuggle, hug, kiss, and sing together!
9. She enjoys being home! For her birthday, we were out and about and she just kept asking to go home!
10. She loves to learn! She uses words we didn't know she knew and she enjoys absorbing information shared in educational shows.
11. In fact, she learns so well that she knows how to turn on the laptop, access the internet browser, use the favorites buttons to get to her web sites, and use the laptop mouse pad, space bar, and navigational arrows to maneaver the games! She's been doing this for a few months now, it's amazing!
12. Speaking of technology, she also knows how to use my touch screen smart phone! (I don't even know how to put on the child lock!)
13. She keeps me centered - she constantly reminds me of what is truly important in life.
14. She gives me the best greeting when I get home. She runs to me, yelling "Mommy! Mommy!" I know that she's not the only child that does that but I don't quite remember my son being THAT happy to see me!
15. She eats everything! She will very rarely turn me down on food I offer her.
16. She drinks water, willingly! She doesn't even ask for anything else except for juices, milk or tea.
17. She proactively requests veggies! When I order a burger, she asks for the lettuce! When we have fresh broccoli in the fridge, it's her favorite snack!
18. Speaking of her requests ... when it comes to toys, she asks for simple things ... building blocks!
19. She likes to 'cook' with me! Her favorite snack to cook is boiled eggs! She knows which pan to get, which measuring cup to use to fill the pan with water and how to gently add the eggs! She loves it.
20. Her expressions are priceless. Her fake cry, it's hilarious! And her baby talk, adorable!
21. She is so independent already. She wants me near, but not to help her, cuz she "can do it".
22. She loves her brother. Seeing how she adores him and looks up to him, it's touching!
23. She is beautiful ... physically! Her skin is a gorgeous caramel shade and her face has pretty features! Most parents say this of their children, and I'm not vain at all, but I am an artist and I could draw her all day long! I've had offers to buy her!!!
24. She is so affectionate with her father! I never met my dad and so I always wondered what it would have been like to have a father figure like that. It gives me so much pleasure to see her hugging on her daddy!
25. She pushes me ... sometimes to the brink of insanity! But more importantly, she pushes me to be the best example of a woman I can be to her!
26. She loves routines! So when I have had a crazy, hectic, uncontrollable day .. I know I am coming home to a stable routine!
27. Without knowing it, she teaches us lessons every day! They usually have to do with communication techniques, patience and kindness ... all worthwhile character traits that should never be taken for granted.
28. Her very essense is actually pretty calming! She's laid back and enjoys just being together.
29. She's a spitting image of her astrological sign! She's a gemini ... one second she's happy, the next she's sad, and two seconds later, she's happy again!
30. She also has random moments of silliness! One day, we were in the middle of the grocery store and she broke out into song and dance, "I'm a grumpy old troll! Who lives under the bridge!"
31. She doesn't get grumpy if her sleep schedule gets changed! I didn't believe this when my husband told me, but she really doesn't! Not for the most part at least :)
32. She is genuinely caring. She asks me every day, "Are you tired?" I usually say "Yes" and she immediately gets upset "But mommy, you should be happy!"
33. I'm constantly amazed at how much I look forward to seeing her every single day! Before having her, I was scared to death of having a girl. I prayed for another boy. I'm so thankful God didn't answer that prayer!
As any other parent, I have a million more reasons why I love my daughter. But these are the top ones! I hope to never lose sight of the blessings she brings, even when we go through our patches later in life. I love you Solana!
So in honor of Solana turning the grandiose age of three, here's a list of 33 ways in which she has enriched my life!
1. Her smile is incredible! There's so much joy in that little grin :)
2. Her voice is infectious! When she says I love you, I melt.
3. She has the funniest habit for self-soothing - she pokes her own belly button!
4. She finally allowed me to be a part of her bedtime routine (after a 2-year hiatus!)
5. She has fun hair! I love getting to try different styles, since her texture is so different than mine!
6. Her imagination is really starting to take off! She loves to pretend with me!
7. She is soooo girly! I'm blessed that she enjoys (fake) jewelry, dresses, hair bows, etc!
8. She's my cuddle bug :) She loves to snuggle, hug, kiss, and sing together!
9. She enjoys being home! For her birthday, we were out and about and she just kept asking to go home!
10. She loves to learn! She uses words we didn't know she knew and she enjoys absorbing information shared in educational shows.
11. In fact, she learns so well that she knows how to turn on the laptop, access the internet browser, use the favorites buttons to get to her web sites, and use the laptop mouse pad, space bar, and navigational arrows to maneaver the games! She's been doing this for a few months now, it's amazing!
12. Speaking of technology, she also knows how to use my touch screen smart phone! (I don't even know how to put on the child lock!)
13. She keeps me centered - she constantly reminds me of what is truly important in life.
14. She gives me the best greeting when I get home. She runs to me, yelling "Mommy! Mommy!" I know that she's not the only child that does that but I don't quite remember my son being THAT happy to see me!
15. She eats everything! She will very rarely turn me down on food I offer her.
16. She drinks water, willingly! She doesn't even ask for anything else except for juices, milk or tea.
17. She proactively requests veggies! When I order a burger, she asks for the lettuce! When we have fresh broccoli in the fridge, it's her favorite snack!
18. Speaking of her requests ... when it comes to toys, she asks for simple things ... building blocks!
19. She likes to 'cook' with me! Her favorite snack to cook is boiled eggs! She knows which pan to get, which measuring cup to use to fill the pan with water and how to gently add the eggs! She loves it.
20. Her expressions are priceless. Her fake cry, it's hilarious! And her baby talk, adorable!
21. She is so independent already. She wants me near, but not to help her, cuz she "can do it".
22. She loves her brother. Seeing how she adores him and looks up to him, it's touching!
23. She is beautiful ... physically! Her skin is a gorgeous caramel shade and her face has pretty features! Most parents say this of their children, and I'm not vain at all, but I am an artist and I could draw her all day long! I've had offers to buy her!!!
24. She is so affectionate with her father! I never met my dad and so I always wondered what it would have been like to have a father figure like that. It gives me so much pleasure to see her hugging on her daddy!
25. She pushes me ... sometimes to the brink of insanity! But more importantly, she pushes me to be the best example of a woman I can be to her!
26. She loves routines! So when I have had a crazy, hectic, uncontrollable day .. I know I am coming home to a stable routine!
27. Without knowing it, she teaches us lessons every day! They usually have to do with communication techniques, patience and kindness ... all worthwhile character traits that should never be taken for granted.
28. Her very essense is actually pretty calming! She's laid back and enjoys just being together.
29. She's a spitting image of her astrological sign! She's a gemini ... one second she's happy, the next she's sad, and two seconds later, she's happy again!
30. She also has random moments of silliness! One day, we were in the middle of the grocery store and she broke out into song and dance, "I'm a grumpy old troll! Who lives under the bridge!"
31. She doesn't get grumpy if her sleep schedule gets changed! I didn't believe this when my husband told me, but she really doesn't! Not for the most part at least :)
32. She is genuinely caring. She asks me every day, "Are you tired?" I usually say "Yes" and she immediately gets upset "But mommy, you should be happy!"
33. I'm constantly amazed at how much I look forward to seeing her every single day! Before having her, I was scared to death of having a girl. I prayed for another boy. I'm so thankful God didn't answer that prayer!
As any other parent, I have a million more reasons why I love my daughter. But these are the top ones! I hope to never lose sight of the blessings she brings, even when we go through our patches later in life. I love you Solana!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Here's My Two Cents
As many working moms these days, I want it all. I have a busy schedule and no one else seems to understand that more than other working moms. I get up at 5 AM, already with a million tasks on my mind. I move at lightening speed (at least it feels that way to me!) and I still go to bed around 11 pm or midnight, with a million other things still on my to do list.
Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are the hardest. On these days, it's tag team for my husband and me. I am up at 5 AM, at the bus stop a little before 7 am, at work from 8 am to 3 pm, at the bus stop again by 3:30 pm (competing with a 35 minute commute), at home by 3:45 pm because Danny has to be in to work at 4 pm, and all over the place after that since I have the kids all to myself till 9:30 pm. I get from 9:30 pm to whenever I go to sleep to get lunches ready for the next day, make sure laundry is sufficient and to clean up what I can for the night. Somewhere in there I do shower, I promise!
So today, was one of those days. I was having issues left and right all day ... I woke up late, got Lito up late, missed the bus, got to work on time but had PC issues all day, went out for lunch and took longer than expected, etc. Since I was running late even coming home from work, I called Danny to ask him to be at the bus stop (which he missed by the way!). I decided I had to take the toll road (somewhat of a short cut); otherwise Danny would be late for work.
As I jumped on the toll road, I was multi tasking, scrounging for change. If you saw me swerving in the lane, I am so very sorry! I always talk bad about "those people"!!! As I was nearing the toll, I could have sworn I had enough change. I had a dollar bill, a quarter, a nickel, and ten pennies. How that added up to $1.50 in my haste, I'll never know. While the lady at the toll waited, I scrounged up another 8 pennies. Being only two pennies away from te total toll amount due, I was sure she would give me a pass!
She looked at me and as she was reaching to return my cash, she said, "Since you don't have the full amount, I can give you the information to call and pay in full later." I was so shocked! Really, for two cents??!! Instead of saying what I felt, I looked back down into my wallet, opened a few more sections and by the grace of God, I found a dime!
As I gave it to her, I wondered why she was being so cold. It shouldn't surprise me, this world is full of people who live out their lives with no hopes or dreams. They only see the lemons and sour up others' lemonade. I felt sorry for her; she probably hated her job. We all have those days. I watched her count out my money. When she realized I had given her 8 extra cents, she reached to give it back to me.
I said, "Keep it, in case any else needs a few cents! Thank you so much!!"
I flashed a big smile and drove on to my mission ... I got home on time (barely) for Danny to get to work. As I played with my kids the rest of the evening, I thought about that lady. I hope my kids will learn to make and enjoy their own lemonade. I hope that when they catch themselves in a sour mood, that they have enough sense to actively chantge their approach to life. It's much too short to not enjoy it, every step of the way!!! And I hope they don't beat themselves up over it when they get sour, it happens to all of us and even I have to remind myself that life isn't as bad as we can make it seem. Love, live, laugh ...
Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are the hardest. On these days, it's tag team for my husband and me. I am up at 5 AM, at the bus stop a little before 7 am, at work from 8 am to 3 pm, at the bus stop again by 3:30 pm (competing with a 35 minute commute), at home by 3:45 pm because Danny has to be in to work at 4 pm, and all over the place after that since I have the kids all to myself till 9:30 pm. I get from 9:30 pm to whenever I go to sleep to get lunches ready for the next day, make sure laundry is sufficient and to clean up what I can for the night. Somewhere in there I do shower, I promise!
So today, was one of those days. I was having issues left and right all day ... I woke up late, got Lito up late, missed the bus, got to work on time but had PC issues all day, went out for lunch and took longer than expected, etc. Since I was running late even coming home from work, I called Danny to ask him to be at the bus stop (which he missed by the way!). I decided I had to take the toll road (somewhat of a short cut); otherwise Danny would be late for work.
As I jumped on the toll road, I was multi tasking, scrounging for change. If you saw me swerving in the lane, I am so very sorry! I always talk bad about "those people"!!! As I was nearing the toll, I could have sworn I had enough change. I had a dollar bill, a quarter, a nickel, and ten pennies. How that added up to $1.50 in my haste, I'll never know. While the lady at the toll waited, I scrounged up another 8 pennies. Being only two pennies away from te total toll amount due, I was sure she would give me a pass!
She looked at me and as she was reaching to return my cash, she said, "Since you don't have the full amount, I can give you the information to call and pay in full later." I was so shocked! Really, for two cents??!! Instead of saying what I felt, I looked back down into my wallet, opened a few more sections and by the grace of God, I found a dime!
As I gave it to her, I wondered why she was being so cold. It shouldn't surprise me, this world is full of people who live out their lives with no hopes or dreams. They only see the lemons and sour up others' lemonade. I felt sorry for her; she probably hated her job. We all have those days. I watched her count out my money. When she realized I had given her 8 extra cents, she reached to give it back to me.
I said, "Keep it, in case any else needs a few cents! Thank you so much!!"
I flashed a big smile and drove on to my mission ... I got home on time (barely) for Danny to get to work. As I played with my kids the rest of the evening, I thought about that lady. I hope my kids will learn to make and enjoy their own lemonade. I hope that when they catch themselves in a sour mood, that they have enough sense to actively chantge their approach to life. It's much too short to not enjoy it, every step of the way!!! And I hope they don't beat themselves up over it when they get sour, it happens to all of us and even I have to remind myself that life isn't as bad as we can make it seem. Love, live, laugh ...
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Don't You Know Kindness When You See It?
Yesterday, my otherwise fun day was marred by a horrible incident with another parent at a mall play area. I'm still in shock and processing what happened, and how it went so wrong so quickly.
Let me just start by saying this ... for anyone who knows me, I am fully aware that I am too kind for my own good. I always try to see both sides of a situation (to a fault maybe). I never judge a person, ever. I always try to put myself in their shoes and try to understand where they are coming from. For my very very close friends, you also know that I avoid confrontations and that I have never been in a physical fight of any sort.
So it would likely come to surprise you to know that yesterday, I almost punched a woman! It took everything in me to not say what I wanted to say to her! Picture this ... I was hanging out with a friend whose son is in my son's kindergarten class. The boys are BFFs and I have found that the boy's mom and I have a lot in common! I enjoy being around her! So we had the boys at the play area at a local mall. We had our entire families with us and so that meant that I was escorting my 2 year old around (she's a little shy around other kids). While I was 'out on the field', I saw another woman spanking their baby. The little girl looked like she was maybe one year old; she was still a little wobbly in her walking. As the woman was spanking her, she was screaming "Don't hit other kids!"
So let me define "spanking" in this situation. She was pulling her arm all the way around from her back with full force! With so much force that the baby fell down. The woman got everyone's attention so she went and sat back down. Not even a minute later, she was back, dragging the baby by her jacket and throwing her on the floor about a foot away from me. As the baby is laying there crying, I see this woman unbuckling her belt. Granted, I didn't see what her child had done, and I am in no position to judge anyone who chooses to 'spank' their child. All I saw in that moment was that baby on the ground, crying, not able to protect herself.
In that moment, I was flooded with emotion. I can't lie. I have been that child and I have been around children in that situation and did nothing in the past. To this day, I still think about those moments when I did nothing to protect other children. I looked away from the baby and back at the woman in time to see the belt, folded in her hands, and in position for some damage. I swear to you it was so silent around me; I didn't hear anyone else. I remember pausing to look around, I wondered if anyone else was seeing what I was seeing and if anyone else was going to do anything about it. I could see other parents looking at that woman but not doing giving any indication that they were going to do anything about it.
I heard myself before I realized what I was doing. "That's not necessary". I gently wrapped my hand around her bicep and said, "Please don't do this." She pulled her arm away and said something. I don't know what her words were but her facial expression said enough. I whispered to her "I'm just trying to help you, I would hate for someone to call CPS on you".
At that point, she walked away to sit back down but was spewing anger at me. She was saying something about how I could go ahead and call CPS. I calmly said, "I didn't say I was going to, I said I'm trying to help you so no one does." The woman pointed to her children and said, "Go ahead, she's my child too, you wanna call them, go ahead, they aint gonna do nothing!" I realized in that instance that there was no helping that woman. I picked up my child and went to my seat. My blood was hot and my heart was racing.
Some of you may not know this but I have a heart condition. I could feel my heart in my chest and as I put my daughter down by my husband's legs, I saw my hands shaking. I knew I had to calm down. My husband asked what was wrong and I just said, "That's what I get for trying to help. Can you please take our daughter to get something to eat? She wants a cookie." He obliged. I sat down next to my friend and she asked me what happened. I was explaining the situation to her when suddenly someone tapped me on the right shoulder.
I looked behind me and another woman was pointing her figure in my face, literally within an inch of my nose. This woman says to me, rolling her neck, "The next time you decide to interfere with any parent, I suggest you speak to an adult." I was confused, I said, "I am an adult, what do you mean?" She said, "No bitch, I AM AN ADULT!" I frowned, offended, and asked her, "And who are you?" She didn't answer me, she just kept saying that I needed to leave her child alone. Not once did it dawn on me that she was saying the 'woman' I saw with the belt was a minor ... a minor who had two kids of her own! The other child that the minor had pointed to was at least six years old!
Still not understanding why this woman was leaning over my seat, pointing her finger in my face, yelling at me unecessarily, I asked her if I could address the woman I had initally attempted to help. The woman said, "No bitch you talk to me only!" I asked her to please take her finger out of my face and stop pointing at me. She said "No Bitch, you ain't gonna to tell me what to do." I gently put my hand on her hand and said, "I'm just asking you to please take your finger out of my face."
That was a mistake. This aggressive woman went from 60 to 100! "Bitch! You don't touch me!! That's how you get your ass whooped! Put your hands on me again and I will lay you down bitch!"
At this point I was laughing! I was so shocked that I couldn't believe this was happening. I expected John Quiniones to come out, from the "What Would You Do?" show. I remember saying, "Oh really?!" She responded with "If we were outside, I'd slap a ho and beat your ass!" I said it again, astonished, "Really? Really???!!!" She was adament, "Yes bitch you wanna take this outside?!!" I simply could NOT believe this was happening. I turned around in time to see my son and his friend coming up to me. I did not want to lose my control in front of them. I asked them to please go back and play while the woman was still yelling behind me.
My friend tried to address her at this point. I remember my friend being so polite yet assertive. She asked the woman to please step away and leave. She said she would call security or the police. The woman would not leave. At this point I was no longer addressing her. I touched Melissa's leg and said, "All we need to do is pray for that little girl" and I pointed to the 1 year old still out on the play area. The woman at that moment got even louder and said, "Stop pointing at her! You don't need to be pointing at my child!!!" The irony was too much ... she refused to stop pointing at me but couldn't handle me pointing at her child. The next thing I know, a cleaning lady came up to my other side and said, "I'm calling security".
The woman said, "Go ahead, call them!!!" That was the last I chose to hear from her, I shut her out completely. I laughed with my friend and we both said, "Can you believe this is actually happening??" We were in shock. I saw the women move to the other side of the play area and sit down. It was obvious they were still upset. They were calling people on the phone, rolling their necks, still being loud. I just sat and played with my kids. My husband came back soon after the cleaning lady left. I told him about it but really there was nothing else to do at that point.
I waited for the security guard. When I saw them coming, I decided to approach them first. I told them I was not looking for trouble. I explained why I got involved. He agreed that they would not condone hitting with belts on the premises either and he asked who they were so he could approach them. I asked him not to because they were extremely aggressive. I told him that at this point I was afraid for the safety of the kids and that I did not want any trouble. He asked for a description so that they could monitor them via the cameras. I thanked him and he went about his way. He entered the play area to get a good look at them but did not address them.
My friend was worried about running into them in the parking lot! I think we were still shocked. It felt like an episode of reality TV where women get into fist fights. I did wonder what I would have done had she laid hands on me in an aggressive way. For the sake of my kids, I hope I would have handled it appropriately ... my blood was boiling!
It wasn't until after the security guard left that I realized the severity of it all. The woman with the belt was a minor? That means she had her first child when she was 11 or 12 at the most! And her youngest was one year old, meaning she had another child around the age of 16. I had no idea that woman was a minor. I kept looking at her while we were at the play area and there is no way that I could have been able to tell that she was a minor. She had the body of a woman in her 20s. I guess after two kids, what else should I expect.
I held and caressed my daughter so tight the rest of that day. I played and replayed the scenario in my head all night. I regret not talking back to that woman in an assertive way. I certain wouldn't have needed the foul language to get my point across. I regret not allowing the security guard to do his job, maybe the women would have left instead of sticking around still making a scene. I regret not calling CPS, maybe I would have spared that little girl from more hurt.
I prayed for that family that night. I cried for them as well. I am so thankful that I was not raised in that manner. I never want my daughter (or son) to feel the wrath of a belt or to be on the bitter end of that kind of anger. I hope that my daughter chooses her friends wisely and that she gives honor and value to blessing that comes with motherhood. I hope that one day, those women will be able to recognize kindness when they see it; instead of fighting it in a useless way.
Let me just start by saying this ... for anyone who knows me, I am fully aware that I am too kind for my own good. I always try to see both sides of a situation (to a fault maybe). I never judge a person, ever. I always try to put myself in their shoes and try to understand where they are coming from. For my very very close friends, you also know that I avoid confrontations and that I have never been in a physical fight of any sort.
So it would likely come to surprise you to know that yesterday, I almost punched a woman! It took everything in me to not say what I wanted to say to her! Picture this ... I was hanging out with a friend whose son is in my son's kindergarten class. The boys are BFFs and I have found that the boy's mom and I have a lot in common! I enjoy being around her! So we had the boys at the play area at a local mall. We had our entire families with us and so that meant that I was escorting my 2 year old around (she's a little shy around other kids). While I was 'out on the field', I saw another woman spanking their baby. The little girl looked like she was maybe one year old; she was still a little wobbly in her walking. As the woman was spanking her, she was screaming "Don't hit other kids!"
So let me define "spanking" in this situation. She was pulling her arm all the way around from her back with full force! With so much force that the baby fell down. The woman got everyone's attention so she went and sat back down. Not even a minute later, she was back, dragging the baby by her jacket and throwing her on the floor about a foot away from me. As the baby is laying there crying, I see this woman unbuckling her belt. Granted, I didn't see what her child had done, and I am in no position to judge anyone who chooses to 'spank' their child. All I saw in that moment was that baby on the ground, crying, not able to protect herself.
In that moment, I was flooded with emotion. I can't lie. I have been that child and I have been around children in that situation and did nothing in the past. To this day, I still think about those moments when I did nothing to protect other children. I looked away from the baby and back at the woman in time to see the belt, folded in her hands, and in position for some damage. I swear to you it was so silent around me; I didn't hear anyone else. I remember pausing to look around, I wondered if anyone else was seeing what I was seeing and if anyone else was going to do anything about it. I could see other parents looking at that woman but not doing giving any indication that they were going to do anything about it.
I heard myself before I realized what I was doing. "That's not necessary". I gently wrapped my hand around her bicep and said, "Please don't do this." She pulled her arm away and said something. I don't know what her words were but her facial expression said enough. I whispered to her "I'm just trying to help you, I would hate for someone to call CPS on you".
At that point, she walked away to sit back down but was spewing anger at me. She was saying something about how I could go ahead and call CPS. I calmly said, "I didn't say I was going to, I said I'm trying to help you so no one does." The woman pointed to her children and said, "Go ahead, she's my child too, you wanna call them, go ahead, they aint gonna do nothing!" I realized in that instance that there was no helping that woman. I picked up my child and went to my seat. My blood was hot and my heart was racing.
Some of you may not know this but I have a heart condition. I could feel my heart in my chest and as I put my daughter down by my husband's legs, I saw my hands shaking. I knew I had to calm down. My husband asked what was wrong and I just said, "That's what I get for trying to help. Can you please take our daughter to get something to eat? She wants a cookie." He obliged. I sat down next to my friend and she asked me what happened. I was explaining the situation to her when suddenly someone tapped me on the right shoulder.
I looked behind me and another woman was pointing her figure in my face, literally within an inch of my nose. This woman says to me, rolling her neck, "The next time you decide to interfere with any parent, I suggest you speak to an adult." I was confused, I said, "I am an adult, what do you mean?" She said, "No bitch, I AM AN ADULT!" I frowned, offended, and asked her, "And who are you?" She didn't answer me, she just kept saying that I needed to leave her child alone. Not once did it dawn on me that she was saying the 'woman' I saw with the belt was a minor ... a minor who had two kids of her own! The other child that the minor had pointed to was at least six years old!
Still not understanding why this woman was leaning over my seat, pointing her finger in my face, yelling at me unecessarily, I asked her if I could address the woman I had initally attempted to help. The woman said, "No bitch you talk to me only!" I asked her to please take her finger out of my face and stop pointing at me. She said "No Bitch, you ain't gonna to tell me what to do." I gently put my hand on her hand and said, "I'm just asking you to please take your finger out of my face."
That was a mistake. This aggressive woman went from 60 to 100! "Bitch! You don't touch me!! That's how you get your ass whooped! Put your hands on me again and I will lay you down bitch!"
At this point I was laughing! I was so shocked that I couldn't believe this was happening. I expected John Quiniones to come out, from the "What Would You Do?" show. I remember saying, "Oh really?!" She responded with "If we were outside, I'd slap a ho and beat your ass!" I said it again, astonished, "Really? Really???!!!" She was adament, "Yes bitch you wanna take this outside?!!" I simply could NOT believe this was happening. I turned around in time to see my son and his friend coming up to me. I did not want to lose my control in front of them. I asked them to please go back and play while the woman was still yelling behind me.
My friend tried to address her at this point. I remember my friend being so polite yet assertive. She asked the woman to please step away and leave. She said she would call security or the police. The woman would not leave. At this point I was no longer addressing her. I touched Melissa's leg and said, "All we need to do is pray for that little girl" and I pointed to the 1 year old still out on the play area. The woman at that moment got even louder and said, "Stop pointing at her! You don't need to be pointing at my child!!!" The irony was too much ... she refused to stop pointing at me but couldn't handle me pointing at her child. The next thing I know, a cleaning lady came up to my other side and said, "I'm calling security".
The woman said, "Go ahead, call them!!!" That was the last I chose to hear from her, I shut her out completely. I laughed with my friend and we both said, "Can you believe this is actually happening??" We were in shock. I saw the women move to the other side of the play area and sit down. It was obvious they were still upset. They were calling people on the phone, rolling their necks, still being loud. I just sat and played with my kids. My husband came back soon after the cleaning lady left. I told him about it but really there was nothing else to do at that point.
I waited for the security guard. When I saw them coming, I decided to approach them first. I told them I was not looking for trouble. I explained why I got involved. He agreed that they would not condone hitting with belts on the premises either and he asked who they were so he could approach them. I asked him not to because they were extremely aggressive. I told him that at this point I was afraid for the safety of the kids and that I did not want any trouble. He asked for a description so that they could monitor them via the cameras. I thanked him and he went about his way. He entered the play area to get a good look at them but did not address them.
My friend was worried about running into them in the parking lot! I think we were still shocked. It felt like an episode of reality TV where women get into fist fights. I did wonder what I would have done had she laid hands on me in an aggressive way. For the sake of my kids, I hope I would have handled it appropriately ... my blood was boiling!
It wasn't until after the security guard left that I realized the severity of it all. The woman with the belt was a minor? That means she had her first child when she was 11 or 12 at the most! And her youngest was one year old, meaning she had another child around the age of 16. I had no idea that woman was a minor. I kept looking at her while we were at the play area and there is no way that I could have been able to tell that she was a minor. She had the body of a woman in her 20s. I guess after two kids, what else should I expect.
I held and caressed my daughter so tight the rest of that day. I played and replayed the scenario in my head all night. I regret not talking back to that woman in an assertive way. I certain wouldn't have needed the foul language to get my point across. I regret not allowing the security guard to do his job, maybe the women would have left instead of sticking around still making a scene. I regret not calling CPS, maybe I would have spared that little girl from more hurt.
I prayed for that family that night. I cried for them as well. I am so thankful that I was not raised in that manner. I never want my daughter (or son) to feel the wrath of a belt or to be on the bitter end of that kind of anger. I hope that my daughter chooses her friends wisely and that she gives honor and value to blessing that comes with motherhood. I hope that one day, those women will be able to recognize kindness when they see it; instead of fighting it in a useless way.
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