As many working moms these days, I want it all. I have a busy schedule and no one else seems to understand that more than other working moms. I get up at 5 AM, already with a million tasks on my mind. I move at lightening speed (at least it feels that way to me!) and I still go to bed around 11 pm or midnight, with a million other things still on my to do list.
Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are the hardest. On these days, it's tag team for my husband and me. I am up at 5 AM, at the bus stop a little before 7 am, at work from 8 am to 3 pm, at the bus stop again by 3:30 pm (competing with a 35 minute commute), at home by 3:45 pm because Danny has to be in to work at 4 pm, and all over the place after that since I have the kids all to myself till 9:30 pm. I get from 9:30 pm to whenever I go to sleep to get lunches ready for the next day, make sure laundry is sufficient and to clean up what I can for the night. Somewhere in there I do shower, I promise!
So today, was one of those days. I was having issues left and right all day ... I woke up late, got Lito up late, missed the bus, got to work on time but had PC issues all day, went out for lunch and took longer than expected, etc. Since I was running late even coming home from work, I called Danny to ask him to be at the bus stop (which he missed by the way!). I decided I had to take the toll road (somewhat of a short cut); otherwise Danny would be late for work.
As I jumped on the toll road, I was multi tasking, scrounging for change. If you saw me swerving in the lane, I am so very sorry! I always talk bad about "those people"!!! As I was nearing the toll, I could have sworn I had enough change. I had a dollar bill, a quarter, a nickel, and ten pennies. How that added up to $1.50 in my haste, I'll never know. While the lady at the toll waited, I scrounged up another 8 pennies. Being only two pennies away from te total toll amount due, I was sure she would give me a pass!
She looked at me and as she was reaching to return my cash, she said, "Since you don't have the full amount, I can give you the information to call and pay in full later." I was so shocked! Really, for two cents??!! Instead of saying what I felt, I looked back down into my wallet, opened a few more sections and by the grace of God, I found a dime!
As I gave it to her, I wondered why she was being so cold. It shouldn't surprise me, this world is full of people who live out their lives with no hopes or dreams. They only see the lemons and sour up others' lemonade. I felt sorry for her; she probably hated her job. We all have those days. I watched her count out my money. When she realized I had given her 8 extra cents, she reached to give it back to me.
I said, "Keep it, in case any else needs a few cents! Thank you so much!!"
I flashed a big smile and drove on to my mission ... I got home on time (barely) for Danny to get to work. As I played with my kids the rest of the evening, I thought about that lady. I hope my kids will learn to make and enjoy their own lemonade. I hope that when they catch themselves in a sour mood, that they have enough sense to actively chantge their approach to life. It's much too short to not enjoy it, every step of the way!!! And I hope they don't beat themselves up over it when they get sour, it happens to all of us and even I have to remind myself that life isn't as bad as we can make it seem. Love, live, laugh ...
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Don't You Know Kindness When You See It?
Yesterday, my otherwise fun day was marred by a horrible incident with another parent at a mall play area. I'm still in shock and processing what happened, and how it went so wrong so quickly.
Let me just start by saying this ... for anyone who knows me, I am fully aware that I am too kind for my own good. I always try to see both sides of a situation (to a fault maybe). I never judge a person, ever. I always try to put myself in their shoes and try to understand where they are coming from. For my very very close friends, you also know that I avoid confrontations and that I have never been in a physical fight of any sort.
So it would likely come to surprise you to know that yesterday, I almost punched a woman! It took everything in me to not say what I wanted to say to her! Picture this ... I was hanging out with a friend whose son is in my son's kindergarten class. The boys are BFFs and I have found that the boy's mom and I have a lot in common! I enjoy being around her! So we had the boys at the play area at a local mall. We had our entire families with us and so that meant that I was escorting my 2 year old around (she's a little shy around other kids). While I was 'out on the field', I saw another woman spanking their baby. The little girl looked like she was maybe one year old; she was still a little wobbly in her walking. As the woman was spanking her, she was screaming "Don't hit other kids!"
So let me define "spanking" in this situation. She was pulling her arm all the way around from her back with full force! With so much force that the baby fell down. The woman got everyone's attention so she went and sat back down. Not even a minute later, she was back, dragging the baby by her jacket and throwing her on the floor about a foot away from me. As the baby is laying there crying, I see this woman unbuckling her belt. Granted, I didn't see what her child had done, and I am in no position to judge anyone who chooses to 'spank' their child. All I saw in that moment was that baby on the ground, crying, not able to protect herself.
In that moment, I was flooded with emotion. I can't lie. I have been that child and I have been around children in that situation and did nothing in the past. To this day, I still think about those moments when I did nothing to protect other children. I looked away from the baby and back at the woman in time to see the belt, folded in her hands, and in position for some damage. I swear to you it was so silent around me; I didn't hear anyone else. I remember pausing to look around, I wondered if anyone else was seeing what I was seeing and if anyone else was going to do anything about it. I could see other parents looking at that woman but not doing giving any indication that they were going to do anything about it.
I heard myself before I realized what I was doing. "That's not necessary". I gently wrapped my hand around her bicep and said, "Please don't do this." She pulled her arm away and said something. I don't know what her words were but her facial expression said enough. I whispered to her "I'm just trying to help you, I would hate for someone to call CPS on you".
At that point, she walked away to sit back down but was spewing anger at me. She was saying something about how I could go ahead and call CPS. I calmly said, "I didn't say I was going to, I said I'm trying to help you so no one does." The woman pointed to her children and said, "Go ahead, she's my child too, you wanna call them, go ahead, they aint gonna do nothing!" I realized in that instance that there was no helping that woman. I picked up my child and went to my seat. My blood was hot and my heart was racing.
Some of you may not know this but I have a heart condition. I could feel my heart in my chest and as I put my daughter down by my husband's legs, I saw my hands shaking. I knew I had to calm down. My husband asked what was wrong and I just said, "That's what I get for trying to help. Can you please take our daughter to get something to eat? She wants a cookie." He obliged. I sat down next to my friend and she asked me what happened. I was explaining the situation to her when suddenly someone tapped me on the right shoulder.
I looked behind me and another woman was pointing her figure in my face, literally within an inch of my nose. This woman says to me, rolling her neck, "The next time you decide to interfere with any parent, I suggest you speak to an adult." I was confused, I said, "I am an adult, what do you mean?" She said, "No bitch, I AM AN ADULT!" I frowned, offended, and asked her, "And who are you?" She didn't answer me, she just kept saying that I needed to leave her child alone. Not once did it dawn on me that she was saying the 'woman' I saw with the belt was a minor ... a minor who had two kids of her own! The other child that the minor had pointed to was at least six years old!
Still not understanding why this woman was leaning over my seat, pointing her finger in my face, yelling at me unecessarily, I asked her if I could address the woman I had initally attempted to help. The woman said, "No bitch you talk to me only!" I asked her to please take her finger out of my face and stop pointing at me. She said "No Bitch, you ain't gonna to tell me what to do." I gently put my hand on her hand and said, "I'm just asking you to please take your finger out of my face."
That was a mistake. This aggressive woman went from 60 to 100! "Bitch! You don't touch me!! That's how you get your ass whooped! Put your hands on me again and I will lay you down bitch!"
At this point I was laughing! I was so shocked that I couldn't believe this was happening. I expected John Quiniones to come out, from the "What Would You Do?" show. I remember saying, "Oh really?!" She responded with "If we were outside, I'd slap a ho and beat your ass!" I said it again, astonished, "Really? Really???!!!" She was adament, "Yes bitch you wanna take this outside?!!" I simply could NOT believe this was happening. I turned around in time to see my son and his friend coming up to me. I did not want to lose my control in front of them. I asked them to please go back and play while the woman was still yelling behind me.
My friend tried to address her at this point. I remember my friend being so polite yet assertive. She asked the woman to please step away and leave. She said she would call security or the police. The woman would not leave. At this point I was no longer addressing her. I touched Melissa's leg and said, "All we need to do is pray for that little girl" and I pointed to the 1 year old still out on the play area. The woman at that moment got even louder and said, "Stop pointing at her! You don't need to be pointing at my child!!!" The irony was too much ... she refused to stop pointing at me but couldn't handle me pointing at her child. The next thing I know, a cleaning lady came up to my other side and said, "I'm calling security".
The woman said, "Go ahead, call them!!!" That was the last I chose to hear from her, I shut her out completely. I laughed with my friend and we both said, "Can you believe this is actually happening??" We were in shock. I saw the women move to the other side of the play area and sit down. It was obvious they were still upset. They were calling people on the phone, rolling their necks, still being loud. I just sat and played with my kids. My husband came back soon after the cleaning lady left. I told him about it but really there was nothing else to do at that point.
I waited for the security guard. When I saw them coming, I decided to approach them first. I told them I was not looking for trouble. I explained why I got involved. He agreed that they would not condone hitting with belts on the premises either and he asked who they were so he could approach them. I asked him not to because they were extremely aggressive. I told him that at this point I was afraid for the safety of the kids and that I did not want any trouble. He asked for a description so that they could monitor them via the cameras. I thanked him and he went about his way. He entered the play area to get a good look at them but did not address them.
My friend was worried about running into them in the parking lot! I think we were still shocked. It felt like an episode of reality TV where women get into fist fights. I did wonder what I would have done had she laid hands on me in an aggressive way. For the sake of my kids, I hope I would have handled it appropriately ... my blood was boiling!
It wasn't until after the security guard left that I realized the severity of it all. The woman with the belt was a minor? That means she had her first child when she was 11 or 12 at the most! And her youngest was one year old, meaning she had another child around the age of 16. I had no idea that woman was a minor. I kept looking at her while we were at the play area and there is no way that I could have been able to tell that she was a minor. She had the body of a woman in her 20s. I guess after two kids, what else should I expect.
I held and caressed my daughter so tight the rest of that day. I played and replayed the scenario in my head all night. I regret not talking back to that woman in an assertive way. I certain wouldn't have needed the foul language to get my point across. I regret not allowing the security guard to do his job, maybe the women would have left instead of sticking around still making a scene. I regret not calling CPS, maybe I would have spared that little girl from more hurt.
I prayed for that family that night. I cried for them as well. I am so thankful that I was not raised in that manner. I never want my daughter (or son) to feel the wrath of a belt or to be on the bitter end of that kind of anger. I hope that my daughter chooses her friends wisely and that she gives honor and value to blessing that comes with motherhood. I hope that one day, those women will be able to recognize kindness when they see it; instead of fighting it in a useless way.
Let me just start by saying this ... for anyone who knows me, I am fully aware that I am too kind for my own good. I always try to see both sides of a situation (to a fault maybe). I never judge a person, ever. I always try to put myself in their shoes and try to understand where they are coming from. For my very very close friends, you also know that I avoid confrontations and that I have never been in a physical fight of any sort.
So it would likely come to surprise you to know that yesterday, I almost punched a woman! It took everything in me to not say what I wanted to say to her! Picture this ... I was hanging out with a friend whose son is in my son's kindergarten class. The boys are BFFs and I have found that the boy's mom and I have a lot in common! I enjoy being around her! So we had the boys at the play area at a local mall. We had our entire families with us and so that meant that I was escorting my 2 year old around (she's a little shy around other kids). While I was 'out on the field', I saw another woman spanking their baby. The little girl looked like she was maybe one year old; she was still a little wobbly in her walking. As the woman was spanking her, she was screaming "Don't hit other kids!"
So let me define "spanking" in this situation. She was pulling her arm all the way around from her back with full force! With so much force that the baby fell down. The woman got everyone's attention so she went and sat back down. Not even a minute later, she was back, dragging the baby by her jacket and throwing her on the floor about a foot away from me. As the baby is laying there crying, I see this woman unbuckling her belt. Granted, I didn't see what her child had done, and I am in no position to judge anyone who chooses to 'spank' their child. All I saw in that moment was that baby on the ground, crying, not able to protect herself.
In that moment, I was flooded with emotion. I can't lie. I have been that child and I have been around children in that situation and did nothing in the past. To this day, I still think about those moments when I did nothing to protect other children. I looked away from the baby and back at the woman in time to see the belt, folded in her hands, and in position for some damage. I swear to you it was so silent around me; I didn't hear anyone else. I remember pausing to look around, I wondered if anyone else was seeing what I was seeing and if anyone else was going to do anything about it. I could see other parents looking at that woman but not doing giving any indication that they were going to do anything about it.
I heard myself before I realized what I was doing. "That's not necessary". I gently wrapped my hand around her bicep and said, "Please don't do this." She pulled her arm away and said something. I don't know what her words were but her facial expression said enough. I whispered to her "I'm just trying to help you, I would hate for someone to call CPS on you".
At that point, she walked away to sit back down but was spewing anger at me. She was saying something about how I could go ahead and call CPS. I calmly said, "I didn't say I was going to, I said I'm trying to help you so no one does." The woman pointed to her children and said, "Go ahead, she's my child too, you wanna call them, go ahead, they aint gonna do nothing!" I realized in that instance that there was no helping that woman. I picked up my child and went to my seat. My blood was hot and my heart was racing.
Some of you may not know this but I have a heart condition. I could feel my heart in my chest and as I put my daughter down by my husband's legs, I saw my hands shaking. I knew I had to calm down. My husband asked what was wrong and I just said, "That's what I get for trying to help. Can you please take our daughter to get something to eat? She wants a cookie." He obliged. I sat down next to my friend and she asked me what happened. I was explaining the situation to her when suddenly someone tapped me on the right shoulder.
I looked behind me and another woman was pointing her figure in my face, literally within an inch of my nose. This woman says to me, rolling her neck, "The next time you decide to interfere with any parent, I suggest you speak to an adult." I was confused, I said, "I am an adult, what do you mean?" She said, "No bitch, I AM AN ADULT!" I frowned, offended, and asked her, "And who are you?" She didn't answer me, she just kept saying that I needed to leave her child alone. Not once did it dawn on me that she was saying the 'woman' I saw with the belt was a minor ... a minor who had two kids of her own! The other child that the minor had pointed to was at least six years old!
Still not understanding why this woman was leaning over my seat, pointing her finger in my face, yelling at me unecessarily, I asked her if I could address the woman I had initally attempted to help. The woman said, "No bitch you talk to me only!" I asked her to please take her finger out of my face and stop pointing at me. She said "No Bitch, you ain't gonna to tell me what to do." I gently put my hand on her hand and said, "I'm just asking you to please take your finger out of my face."
That was a mistake. This aggressive woman went from 60 to 100! "Bitch! You don't touch me!! That's how you get your ass whooped! Put your hands on me again and I will lay you down bitch!"
At this point I was laughing! I was so shocked that I couldn't believe this was happening. I expected John Quiniones to come out, from the "What Would You Do?" show. I remember saying, "Oh really?!" She responded with "If we were outside, I'd slap a ho and beat your ass!" I said it again, astonished, "Really? Really???!!!" She was adament, "Yes bitch you wanna take this outside?!!" I simply could NOT believe this was happening. I turned around in time to see my son and his friend coming up to me. I did not want to lose my control in front of them. I asked them to please go back and play while the woman was still yelling behind me.
My friend tried to address her at this point. I remember my friend being so polite yet assertive. She asked the woman to please step away and leave. She said she would call security or the police. The woman would not leave. At this point I was no longer addressing her. I touched Melissa's leg and said, "All we need to do is pray for that little girl" and I pointed to the 1 year old still out on the play area. The woman at that moment got even louder and said, "Stop pointing at her! You don't need to be pointing at my child!!!" The irony was too much ... she refused to stop pointing at me but couldn't handle me pointing at her child. The next thing I know, a cleaning lady came up to my other side and said, "I'm calling security".
The woman said, "Go ahead, call them!!!" That was the last I chose to hear from her, I shut her out completely. I laughed with my friend and we both said, "Can you believe this is actually happening??" We were in shock. I saw the women move to the other side of the play area and sit down. It was obvious they were still upset. They were calling people on the phone, rolling their necks, still being loud. I just sat and played with my kids. My husband came back soon after the cleaning lady left. I told him about it but really there was nothing else to do at that point.
I waited for the security guard. When I saw them coming, I decided to approach them first. I told them I was not looking for trouble. I explained why I got involved. He agreed that they would not condone hitting with belts on the premises either and he asked who they were so he could approach them. I asked him not to because they were extremely aggressive. I told him that at this point I was afraid for the safety of the kids and that I did not want any trouble. He asked for a description so that they could monitor them via the cameras. I thanked him and he went about his way. He entered the play area to get a good look at them but did not address them.
My friend was worried about running into them in the parking lot! I think we were still shocked. It felt like an episode of reality TV where women get into fist fights. I did wonder what I would have done had she laid hands on me in an aggressive way. For the sake of my kids, I hope I would have handled it appropriately ... my blood was boiling!
It wasn't until after the security guard left that I realized the severity of it all. The woman with the belt was a minor? That means she had her first child when she was 11 or 12 at the most! And her youngest was one year old, meaning she had another child around the age of 16. I had no idea that woman was a minor. I kept looking at her while we were at the play area and there is no way that I could have been able to tell that she was a minor. She had the body of a woman in her 20s. I guess after two kids, what else should I expect.
I held and caressed my daughter so tight the rest of that day. I played and replayed the scenario in my head all night. I regret not talking back to that woman in an assertive way. I certain wouldn't have needed the foul language to get my point across. I regret not allowing the security guard to do his job, maybe the women would have left instead of sticking around still making a scene. I regret not calling CPS, maybe I would have spared that little girl from more hurt.
I prayed for that family that night. I cried for them as well. I am so thankful that I was not raised in that manner. I never want my daughter (or son) to feel the wrath of a belt or to be on the bitter end of that kind of anger. I hope that my daughter chooses her friends wisely and that she gives honor and value to blessing that comes with motherhood. I hope that one day, those women will be able to recognize kindness when they see it; instead of fighting it in a useless way.
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