I was watching the kids play the other day. Just soaking in their little manerisms and being in the moment. I love engraving those moments into my memory!
They were playing at the piano. And as I watched them, I realized just how different they are!
Lito's delicate hands were gracing the keys as he focused at really trying to make a tune out of his 'song'. He was very deliberate about which keys he played and in what rythm. He's never taken a lesson but he asked for one that day! His hands were curved and positioned very naturally as though he was already a pianist! He was so focused and really wanted to figure out how the piano worked. I took lessens when I was young so I could tell looking at his positioning that he may actually be ready for beginner's classes!
Solana on the other hand ... she was more intrigued at figuring out how loudly she could bang on the keys! She had her hands completely flat as she barrelled into the piano! She laughed at all the silly sounds she was making and she could care less about strategy! I know she's only 18 months old but I don't remember Lito being so carefree at this age! She seems to be the more outgoing of the two while Lito seems to be the more conservative of the two.
I love them both so much! I'm so intrigued by their differences and already seeing how I have to parent differently to each of them. We're in for a fun ride!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Chicken Soup for My Soul
The little time I spend with my kids is so precious to me. I'm sure many working parents feel the same way. It's so hard to push through the exhaustion in order to cherish those moments but I wouldn't have it any other way. Most workdays I get to see them about 2 hours a day and on those days, I honestly don't know how I get through the day.
I get up between 5:30 and 6 AM. I'm at Lito's school between 7 and 7:30 AM. It takes me about 35-40 minutes to drive to work. As soon as I get out of my car in the office parking lot, I'm almost instantly working. My mind has been racing the entire drive to work so I have in my head all of the things that need to get done for the day. Then, I usually see people in the parking lot that want to chat as we walk to the building and I'm sure to run into folks in the elevators and hallways all the way to my desk. By the time I'm logging in, I probably have 3-5 more items added to my daily list based on those I've had conversations with on my way in! Then it's work, work, work every second of my work day. The only breaks I get are to use the ladies room or days when I can afford a quick lunch with my co-workers.
I would say that in the course of one work day I will have made anywhere from 50-100 decisions about the team, associates, projects, accounts, schedules, my own work... the list is endless. The worst feeling is looking at the clock, seeing how late it is in the day, and knowing that I have probably been able to tackle about 35% of what I intended to address that day. My to-do list is never empty and never short! And it doesn't end there ... on my 35-40 minute drive home, I am usually on the phone following up on items from the day by leaving messages for those I needed to reach out to and didn't get a chance to before they left the office. Because yes, I'm usually one of the last ones out the door! Many say that's my fault and I can handle that criticism because I take pride in my work. The problem is ...
By the time I get home, I feel like I have worked 20 hours because it's nonstop from the minute I get in my car to the minute I unlock my front door at night. And on those days when I work "dark-thirty to dark-thirty" (when it's dark outside when I leave my house and when I get back to it too!), I have been known to just cry all the way home out of desparately needing sheer release from the day's anxiety. Not every day is like this of course (who could really handle that!). But more than not, I do feel overworked and underappreciated. I never realized how lonely the manager position can feel.
So when I open that door and my son squeels "Mommy you're home!" and my daughter smiles and giggles all the way as she runs to me and doesn't let go for the next hour, it is the MOST INCREDIBLE feeling in the world. As tired, stressed, sleepy, angry, hungry, depressed, or confused I am from those extra long days, those greetings when I get home make it all disappear in a flash (at least for a few hours!)...
The frustration with the co-worker that gossips at work ... gone!
The customer that took out all her lack of previous quality service on me ... put on hold!
The situation that I couldn't get help with, from anyone ... forgotten!
The system issues that created excuses for not getting work done ... unimportant!
The anger at being accused of things and people not taking ownership ... not worth another thought!
The stress transferred to me by managers that have no time ... disappeared!
My worries about all the work I didn't get done because I'm addressing perceptions ... no longer on my mind!
The anxiety of getting more and more work added to my responsibilities ... insignificant!
The disappointment of excuses, excuses, excuses .... inconsequential!
Lito, Leila and Danny are all I can think of at that very moment. Lito wants to tell me about his day at school and wants me to help him with his homework. His goal is always just to hear me say that I am proud of him, I can see the anticipation of it in his eyes! Solana Leila just wants to be on me, in my arms, or making contact with me in some way. She screams (and I do mean screams, at the top of her lungs, and she's got some lungs that girl!) if I even think of setting her down. Danny just needs a break from the kids but he's always happy to see me too! And he's so understanding that I feel so incredibly blessed. These souls are my chicken soup for the most stressful days. A few years down the line Lito won't want to be bothered by me and Solana Leila will be more attached to her father.
So, as many parents do, I push through the exhuastion, I set aside all work thoughts, I dig deep and I smile and love on my kids. They have 100% of me during those few hours that I am with them. They are precious and they are blessings not to be taken in vain. Even when they are fussing and I'm losing my patience, I really get hit with these reminders. Danny is my rock so I do my best to give him attention too.
By the time I go to bed around midnight, after putting the kids to bed (yes, I know they go to sleep late), I am so grateful for my house, my car, my family and the fact that I have a job to get up for the next day. But that moment of getting home from work, that is what gets me up the next day. Any other thought would be worthless after spending a few hours with such great kids and a wonderful husband!
I get up between 5:30 and 6 AM. I'm at Lito's school between 7 and 7:30 AM. It takes me about 35-40 minutes to drive to work. As soon as I get out of my car in the office parking lot, I'm almost instantly working. My mind has been racing the entire drive to work so I have in my head all of the things that need to get done for the day. Then, I usually see people in the parking lot that want to chat as we walk to the building and I'm sure to run into folks in the elevators and hallways all the way to my desk. By the time I'm logging in, I probably have 3-5 more items added to my daily list based on those I've had conversations with on my way in! Then it's work, work, work every second of my work day. The only breaks I get are to use the ladies room or days when I can afford a quick lunch with my co-workers.
I would say that in the course of one work day I will have made anywhere from 50-100 decisions about the team, associates, projects, accounts, schedules, my own work... the list is endless. The worst feeling is looking at the clock, seeing how late it is in the day, and knowing that I have probably been able to tackle about 35% of what I intended to address that day. My to-do list is never empty and never short! And it doesn't end there ... on my 35-40 minute drive home, I am usually on the phone following up on items from the day by leaving messages for those I needed to reach out to and didn't get a chance to before they left the office. Because yes, I'm usually one of the last ones out the door! Many say that's my fault and I can handle that criticism because I take pride in my work. The problem is ...
By the time I get home, I feel like I have worked 20 hours because it's nonstop from the minute I get in my car to the minute I unlock my front door at night. And on those days when I work "dark-thirty to dark-thirty" (when it's dark outside when I leave my house and when I get back to it too!), I have been known to just cry all the way home out of desparately needing sheer release from the day's anxiety. Not every day is like this of course (who could really handle that!). But more than not, I do feel overworked and underappreciated. I never realized how lonely the manager position can feel.
So when I open that door and my son squeels "Mommy you're home!" and my daughter smiles and giggles all the way as she runs to me and doesn't let go for the next hour, it is the MOST INCREDIBLE feeling in the world. As tired, stressed, sleepy, angry, hungry, depressed, or confused I am from those extra long days, those greetings when I get home make it all disappear in a flash (at least for a few hours!)...
The frustration with the co-worker that gossips at work ... gone!
The customer that took out all her lack of previous quality service on me ... put on hold!
The situation that I couldn't get help with, from anyone ... forgotten!
The system issues that created excuses for not getting work done ... unimportant!
The anger at being accused of things and people not taking ownership ... not worth another thought!
The stress transferred to me by managers that have no time ... disappeared!
My worries about all the work I didn't get done because I'm addressing perceptions ... no longer on my mind!
The anxiety of getting more and more work added to my responsibilities ... insignificant!
The disappointment of excuses, excuses, excuses .... inconsequential!
Lito, Leila and Danny are all I can think of at that very moment. Lito wants to tell me about his day at school and wants me to help him with his homework. His goal is always just to hear me say that I am proud of him, I can see the anticipation of it in his eyes! Solana Leila just wants to be on me, in my arms, or making contact with me in some way. She screams (and I do mean screams, at the top of her lungs, and she's got some lungs that girl!) if I even think of setting her down. Danny just needs a break from the kids but he's always happy to see me too! And he's so understanding that I feel so incredibly blessed. These souls are my chicken soup for the most stressful days. A few years down the line Lito won't want to be bothered by me and Solana Leila will be more attached to her father.
So, as many parents do, I push through the exhuastion, I set aside all work thoughts, I dig deep and I smile and love on my kids. They have 100% of me during those few hours that I am with them. They are precious and they are blessings not to be taken in vain. Even when they are fussing and I'm losing my patience, I really get hit with these reminders. Danny is my rock so I do my best to give him attention too.
By the time I go to bed around midnight, after putting the kids to bed (yes, I know they go to sleep late), I am so grateful for my house, my car, my family and the fact that I have a job to get up for the next day. But that moment of getting home from work, that is what gets me up the next day. Any other thought would be worthless after spending a few hours with such great kids and a wonderful husband!
Why Do You Love Me?
It's amazing to see your kids develop their own personalities. It makes you cherish everyone around you for all their different qualities.
The other day I was telling Lito that I love him and he said he loved me too.
Out of the blue, I asked him why, why does he love me. He said, "Because you're beautiful!"
LOL
So then I asked him, "Do you love me when I'm not beautiful?"
Lito didn't even hesitate, "Yes, but you're always beautiful!"
The future love of his life will definitely say I'm raising him right! But of course, kids Lito's age always have more tricks up their sleeve. Without a second thought, he said,
"But mommy, if you're not beautiful you just brush your hair and put on make-up, then you'll be beautiful again!"
Oh, the answers to life's most powerful and pressing womanly downer - feeling ugly ... just take Lito's advice ... do up your hair a bit, put on some of your favorite facial products (mine are all Mary Kay of course!) and all will be right with the world again!
Love you Lito!!
The other day I was telling Lito that I love him and he said he loved me too.
Out of the blue, I asked him why, why does he love me. He said, "Because you're beautiful!"
LOL
So then I asked him, "Do you love me when I'm not beautiful?"
Lito didn't even hesitate, "Yes, but you're always beautiful!"
The future love of his life will definitely say I'm raising him right! But of course, kids Lito's age always have more tricks up their sleeve. Without a second thought, he said,
"But mommy, if you're not beautiful you just brush your hair and put on make-up, then you'll be beautiful again!"
Oh, the answers to life's most powerful and pressing womanly downer - feeling ugly ... just take Lito's advice ... do up your hair a bit, put on some of your favorite facial products (mine are all Mary Kay of course!) and all will be right with the world again!
Love you Lito!!
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