Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment for some female symptoms I am having ...
The doctor's solution: start weaning Solana Leila from nursing!
As the doctor is reviewing all the test results and telling me that I'm perfectly healthy other than needing to wean, I was caught off guard by my reaction. I have never cried so much since the weeks prior to going back to work. I knew this day was coming so I didn't expect to cry at all! I could tell the doctor was caught off guard too; she didn't know what to do! I realize now that it is so much harder to let go of this very special time! With Lito, I remember it being hard and I didn't like it then either, but I felt ready when it was time to wean him. With Leila, there are so many other feelings that I didn't plan on having.
I thought about how much I love this time I spend with her. It's my only time to gaze into her eyes and vice versa. When we nurse, I have her undivided attention. I also love just getting to snuggle with her during our time together. But what really got me going was the thought that this is the last time I'll be nursing ... period! We don't plan to have any more kids so I have this horrible feeling that my female anatomy will no longer serve a beneficial purpose! I admit that I'm quite proud of how long I nursed both of my kids and it makes me feel accomplished to know that I could balance that with everything else going on in life. To know that this accomplishment will come to an end makes me very sad.
I also have some travelling arrangements at the end of July that will keep me away from my family for four days! So I have this pressing need to wean her before then, so that it won't be a cold-turkey withdrawal approach (which would be just as hard on her as it would be on me). With Lito, it happened more naturally so this time, it feels forced. I also remember Lito giving me signs that he was ready to wean; whereas Leila is not giving any of those signs at all, so I feel guilty starting the process now.
In short, my health is at risk if I don't start the process so I know what I have to do ....
It doesn't mean I have to like it :(
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